She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
