it hurts more in the daytime
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
