I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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