you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
