i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
