I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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