I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
