Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
please come you make the beer taste better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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