hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
