I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
