The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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