If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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