i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wish there were birth control emojis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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