addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
