Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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