census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
