omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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