Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
