I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
