why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm passing your future prison.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
