i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
