HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
