Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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