Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(662): View more from Mississippi

They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

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(806): View more from Texas

Two words Indian burn...

(1-806): View more from Texas

What did she think it was, a shake weight?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.

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(456): View more from

Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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(845): View more from New York

You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital

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(630): View more from Illinois

I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.

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