Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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