NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
