So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
