um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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