so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
