i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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