Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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