Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish you could order shots online.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
