I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
