I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
