It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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