"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
