We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
