I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
