college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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