I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
