Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
