I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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