not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
