I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
