so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
