This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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