Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
