'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
