I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
