she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
