is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
