it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
